Personal definition of “Perfect Mother”: Zen mother, calm, affectionate, attentive, spiritually focused, bodily focused, mentally focused and so on. Adult, responsible, capable… Also fit, with little appetite, likes to drink quality red wine and never gets drunk and smell always good.
My second adorable and energetic daughter has a very easy drama tendency, this girl is going to be an actress. It seems to me that she believes that everyone conspires against her and all the human beings are responsible for her unhappiness. I said “it seems to me” because it is the feeling I have after observing their behavior as objectively as possible.
The fact is that she got up last Saturday, very early as always, and during breakfast it seems that the first great injustice of the day appears: she has not been served the largest toast. Grumpy face.
Imperfect mother, that is me, is on her second day of menstruation, she literally doesn’t want anyone to speak to her and also doesn’t want high voices or cry at that precise moment. As she knows herself well, imperfect mother begins to breathe deeply from the first hour in the morning when the altercation began.
The hours pased away -and many many deep inhalations and exhalations- and desperated of seeing his second daughter complaining about “almost” everything, and knowing that the physical activity suits her, she asked her to go out and play football for a while. All os that with the best of her intentions. “Let’s see if kicking a ball and running for a while distracts her a little”.
Let’s take advantage of the situation and put into practice the “only child moment” that the experts recommend in large families. It is a win-win situation!
It’s freezing! And she is not wearing her jacket … Imperfect mother swallows the speech of “put your jacket on or you’ll get a cold and whoever is ill, stays at home and spends the day in bed and without TV”. Lie obviously. There is no energy for that war, definetly not.
Minute one, the worldwide conspiracy for the second daughter to suffer at every moment of her life begins.
Fifteen minutes, the second daughter collapse again and is already screaming and saying that everyone wants to annoy her. That nobody is passing her the ball, that she always has to go for it, that she wants to throw it with her hand and that everyone must to throw it with their hand and so on…
Imperfect mother can’t stand it anymore and went down to her level.
Scene: Outside. Overcast weather. Two girls appear, one 6-years-old girl and another 36-years-old girl. It seems they are discussing “girls stuff”
Imperfect mother starts to copy 6-year-old girl and says sarcastically: “Poor me… nobody loves me, everybody wants to annoy me, why nobody do what I say, as I say, and when I say” “buaaaa”. Yes, with funny faces too.
Fail!. The second daughter starts crying and screaming, getting red like a tomato, telling her mother to shut up. Imperfect mother can’t stop, she has entered the loop and begins the maternal lecturer “about the individual responsibility to choose what influences and what no, the mood of each one”
How good the imperfect mother feels for a thousandth of a second! The imperfect mother’s ego feels that she has won a battle.
Father goes down to the rescue, takes the second daughter and off they went upstairs.
The mother snorts. Imperfect mother stabs herself for not knowing how to handle the situation, and the ego that had won the battle now criticizes imperfect mother for not knowing how to manage the situation as a “loving adult” she is. F** spirituality!
Yes, she is an imperfect mother, an imperfect woman in almost everything. And although she knows the theory of how to educate children emotionally, and how to do it in the most balanced way possible, sometimes it seems that nobody listens. Especially when the vital energy is low. And that day was very low.
We all have moments when we have not acted in the most focused way. We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect.
Yes, it may seem like set phrases, but think about it and understand that it has no sense to try to hide our darkest moments, just as it’s absurd to point out the darkest moments of the others.
The only way to move “towards the light” -like Caroline, hehehe- is to recognize our own mistakes and understand that wickedness does’n really exist, it is unconsciousness, and we are all entitled to have it at some time in our lives.