Mourning for what it was. Greeting what it's coming. Anita Balle
Mother Personal Thoughts

Mourning for what it was


In Wales there is still relative normality today, but the closure of schools, universities, public spaces, etc. is already beginning. It is strange to live this situation “with a week of delay” having closely the testimonies of family and friends who, in one way or another, have already put you “on alert”.

I admit that some times I navigate through emotions of panic and fear. I discuss with friends how easy those emotions can be triggered and how fast they flood your body. Breathing and focusing on the present helps me.

On the other hand, I live with great enthusiasm the experience of home schooling. We started it last Monday and I have to admit that I am like a girl with new shoes. I find it a very interesting and motivating challenge.

But what is striking me the most is the feeling of mourning that I have. Last days there has been like a cloud surrounding me that transmits mourning, dismissal and saying goodbye.

Say goodbye to what it was, to what we had, to how we understood things, to how we related … And I am not saying that things will not go back to the way they were, the truth is that I don’t know and is not something what I think about. But I have that feeling very present.

Thank you and goodbye. You were helpful but you’re leaving. New things come. Let’s say hello, let them in. Whatever they are. With acceptance and with our best attitude. With expectation and curiosity.

Reading Yuval Noah Harari’s book, “Sapiens, from animals to Gods”, I can not help but reflect on our transit on this planet. When he comments on the slavery to which agriculture and then industry subjected us. The idea that arises that thinking that by working a little more we would have an easier life. And the real consequences of this decision that ended up enslaving us as a society.

Forgetting the “good life” for the sake of the “safe life”.

What we are experiencing is a consequence of our acts, of our decisions. Just like what happened to our ancestors. Something that seems, without a doubt, the path we have to follow to grow as a species. Not in number, but in consciousness.

And I do not feel this as “a punishment”, but as a simple certainty, as part of our history, of our journey.

Responsibility knocks on our door individually. Creativity too. How we handle this situation on a personal level is what matters, and it is valid. There are no rules, there are no agreed common ways, there is no system. There is individuality, choice, personal and family decision.

Let’s celebrate the opportunity to direct our own day to day. Let us open ourselves to what comes without fear, without judgment and without expectation.

Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

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